Big Beaver and the Triple Nickel

For those of you not familiar with Detroit, there’s a road here called Big Beaver. Yes, I know. I know. Being new to the area, I’ve been getting tons of mail from salons, doctors, etc. soliciting my bizniz. I thought my favorite of these would be the offer for a free haircut, manicure and pedicure — a steal I know! But then today I received an invitation to an OB/GYN office. Located where? On Big Beaver. Now come on. Who could seriously make an appointment to see the gyno located on Big Beaver Road? Obviously not someone as immature as me. They claim to be “Fluent in Polish,” but I wonder if they’re fluent enough in the English lexicon to know the irony of their location. Perhaps I’ll call and find out…
Also in local news, there’s been big action at the Triple Nickel lately. The Triple Nickel is the building in which I reside, named so because the address is 555 S. Old Woodward. Clever no? But back to the action. Late last week at around 2 a.m., the alarm of the jewelry store went off for like 40 minutes. I stuck my head out the window and watched the cops stand around for a long time. Some walked around with flashlights. About 30 minutes into the whole ordeal, the owners cruised up in their 7-series BMW and, shortly after, the alarm ceased. A simple mishap or a true jewelry heist? Perhaps I’d venture downstairs to inquire, but it’s 30 something degrees outside and I’m not that foolish.
Then on Monday afternoon, three fire trucks showed up outside of the building. Being on the top floor, I