I wuz driving to my crib from a cuz’s place tonight, when that shiznit hit me that I’d love try out my new roller skates, know what I’m sayin’? Only one problem, well two problems: that shiznit wuz midnight ‘n I’m a brizzle, know what I’m sayin’? Knowing (via da informative media) that mass murderers only come out when that shiznit’s dark, ‘n knowing that if I mentioned being out in da dark alone my parents at any point that I would incur da not-safe speech, I decided forgo my Rollergirl aspirations n’ shit.
But why should I has to? “Is that shiznit because I’m a brizzle,” I
questioned myself.” If I wuz a fool, I wouldn’t be afraid go skating at night, would I? Or walk to my hooptie by myself after being out? Or a lot of things fo’ that matter, know what I’m sayin’? Damn that X chromosome!
What if I took a weapon? I don’t has (‘n don’t want) a gat.” I don’t has
(nor do I want) a ferocious killer d-o-g. Mace? Fresh out.” Hmmmm…ding ding ding! Knives! I has knives — not killer weapon knives mind yo’ ass, but gravy ol’ kitchen knives that I could skate wit, ensuring my safety…until I fell ‘n pierced myself wit one that is.” Wass a brizzle ta do?
My peak hours are at night, which is when I want ta do these things, know what I’m sayin’? And everyone else is asleep (except fo’ da mass murderers) so I’d has da streets myself! But because I might be raped ‘n/or slaughtered, I refrain, know what I’m sayin’? And that’s just no fun n’ shit.
Do fools has da same fears? From da few I polled, that shiznit seems da answer is no n’ shit. Or is that shiznit a size issue? I know my 6’3″, 220lb+ eternal life partner, doesn’t think ’bout these things at izzall (tha dude’s a dude fo’ those who might be wondering).” If I wuz a 6’3″, 220lb, know what I’m sayin’ brizzle, I know I wouldn’t fear anyone, or I’d be a lot less paranoid anyway n’ shit. But what if I wuz a 100lb n’ shit fool? I believe I’d fear many a mutha ‘n a brizzle.”
It seems da old adage holds true in this case: Size really does matter, know what I’m sayin’?
*Wanna put another webpage through Tha Shizzolator? Click here. The above was originally posted as the blog below : Skating With Knives. Until it was put through the Snoop Dogg Shizzolator that is!
Eep! I’m SO excited I just can’t hide it. Sharing the dining room makeover I did for the Bachelorette Pad today! Check it out + LMK what you think!read more
To celebrate the first ever National LOFTimist Day, enter to WIN a $2020 LOFT GIFT CARD! Plus, everything is 40% OFF + an EXTRA 20% OFF! So my new favorite pink pants are only $35 (normally $75)!read more
THRILLED to share photos with Frances Valentine in Palm Springs for their spring 2020 collection! SEE photos + my favorite pieces (spoiler alert: caftans!)...read more
Help us select art for the nursery! Which of these fine art photography prints by Kim Genevieve should we use in Coco's nursery?read more
Sharing the perfect pink dress for Valentine's Day + 15 more dresses that are perfect for Valentine's Day!read more