I wuz driving to my crib from a cuz’s place tonight, when that shiznit hit me that I’d love try out my new roller skates, know what I’m sayin’? Only one problem, well two problems: that shiznit wuz midnight ‘n I’m a brizzle, know what I’m sayin’? Knowing (via da informative media) that mass murderers only come out when that shiznit’s dark, ‘n knowing that if I mentioned being out in da dark alone my parents at any point that I would incur da not-safe speech, I decided forgo my Rollergirl aspirations n’ shit.
But why should I has to? “Is that shiznit because I’m a brizzle,” I
questioned myself.” If I wuz a fool, I wouldn’t be afraid go skating at night, would I? Or walk to my hooptie by myself after being out? Or a lot of things fo’ that matter, know what I’m sayin’? Damn that X chromosome!
What if I took a weapon? I don’t has (‘n don’t want) a gat.” I don’t has
(nor do I want) a ferocious killer d-o-g. Mace? Fresh out.” Hmmmm…ding ding ding! Knives! I has knives — not killer weapon knives mind yo’ ass, but gravy ol’ kitchen knives that I could skate wit, ensuring my safety…until I fell ‘n pierced myself wit one that is.” Wass a brizzle ta do?
My peak hours are at night, which is when I want ta do these things, know what I’m sayin’? And everyone else is asleep (except fo’ da mass murderers) so I’d has da streets myself! But because I might be raped ‘n/or slaughtered, I refrain, know what I’m sayin’? And that’s just no fun n’ shit.
Do fools has da same fears? From da few I polled, that shiznit seems da answer is no n’ shit. Or is that shiznit a size issue? I know my 6’3″, 220lb+ eternal life partner, doesn’t think ’bout these things at izzall (tha dude’s a dude fo’ those who might be wondering).” If I wuz a 6’3″, 220lb, know what I’m sayin’ brizzle, I know I wouldn’t fear anyone, or I’d be a lot less paranoid anyway n’ shit. But what if I wuz a 100lb n’ shit fool? I believe I’d fear many a mutha ‘n a brizzle.”
It seems da old adage holds true in this case: Size really does matter, know what I’m sayin’?
*Wanna put another webpage through Tha Shizzolator? Click here. The above was originally posted as the blog below : Skating With Knives. Until it was put through the Snoop Dogg Shizzolator that is!

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