Is it wrong to hate birds? If it is, then I don’t wanna be right. Yesterday we went golfing with friends and after a long, exhausting, did I mention long, first nine holes, we all got some snacks. I induldged in a Milky Way to nourish my deprived belly, while the healthier friends got those neon orange cheese crackers. My friend innocently set down her crackers on top of her golf bag while she went to get some free water, and within two seconds this big, ugly black bird swooped in and stole them! Sonuva…mamabird!
Then today, thanks to beautiful sunny Texas weather, I had a horrible sinus headache. Therefore I tried to take a nap. A nap is all, people. My mistake was having the window cracked. Chirp. Chirp. Chirp. Cheep. Cheep. Cheep. Kaw. Kaw. Kaw. Blah. Blah. Blah. They wouldn’t stop “singing!” I know there are people out there who find this to be peaceful and pleasant but I am not one of them. It’s just more noise. Commotion. Bird angst. Hitchcock was right on this one. One reason “nature” tops my ‘Things That Annoy Me List.”
For some reason you’d think that older people would be nicer. Men in particular. Weren’t they raised to be gentlemen and all that back in that day? Apparently not. Whilst at this same golf course, the same friend who got her crackers stolen, first got whacked by a ball. Gee, it really wasn’t her day. Anyhow, the guy who hit the ball, while we were still playing the hole mind you, didn’t even bother to shout, “Fooooooooooooooooooooooore.” Bastard. A few minutes later he makes his way down and we tell him that he’s hit her. His reply? “Well I’m sorry if I almost hit yeeeew, but you guys need to hurry up!” Almost hit?! “No, you hit her you bastard,” we thought but phrased differently. We’re ladies, afterall. Then came his insincere apology. Grumpy old men.
Here are best Christmas Ornaments of 2020, from the funny to the fabulous!read more
I get asked where you can find caftans all the time, so I’m extra excited to share with you my favorite new source: Teggy French kaftans!read more
Looking for gift ideas for your best friend? Check out these 10 Funny & Fabulous Gifts for Your BFF!read more
Election stress have you plotting your escape? If you were to move to another country, where would you go and why?read more
Looking for The Royal Tenenbaums costumes? Here’s how to get a Margot Tenenbaum costume, a Richie Tenenbaum costume, Chas Tenenbaum costume.read more